Skill Builder #3: Responding Nondefensively to CriticismDue: No later than Frida

Skill Builder #3: Responding Nondefensively to CriticismDue: No later than Friday, December 1 at 11:59pm
NOTE: The maximum number of extra credit points you can earn all semester is 25
Purpose: To develop your ability to respond non-defensively to criticism. This skill can help increase understanding and the ability to resolve a situation while decreasing defensiveness and a negative conflict spiral.
Task: After watching the video below and carefully reading “module two” in the embedded textbook, read through each criticism below and create a non-defensive statement as a response. It should be a sincere and honest response, not one that you say just to end the conversation. Be sure to identify the specific nondefensive method you have chosen AND explain your choice of response (i.e., why did you choose to ask for specifics?). See example below:
Example #1: As she’s making dinner, your mom exclaims, “Why am I the only one who ever cooks around here?”
Nondefensive response: “What can I do to help out?”
I chose to “ask for specifics” because, while it’s not true that she’s the only one who ever cooks, I want to find out what she is really trying to ask for rather than get into a side argument. I can talk to her later about exaggerating the situation but if I bring it up now, neither of us is going to get anywhere because we’ll be at cross purposes.
Example #2: Every month your dad calls to ask if you’ve made your car and insurance payments and you’re getting annoyed with him prying into your personal life.
Nondefensive response: “Dad, since the consequences of my paying the bills on time or not doesn’t affect your finances, why do you call me every month to check on me?” I chose to “ask about the consequences” because I don’t understand why he’s so concerned about my personal finances. I could also “guess at specifics” by asking, “Dad, do you think I’m irresponsible with my finances? Is that why you call to check up on me every month?” because that’s what I think is going on and a big part of why I’m so annoyed by his behavior.
Respond nondefensively to the following scenarios:
You’re sitting down playing a video game to relax for a few minutes before cleaning up the mess you left in the kitchen this morning. A few minutes after you sat down, your roommate came in and said, “Man, seriously? All you do is sit around and play video games! When you gonna help out around the house? You’re not the only one who lives here, you know.”
Lately, you’ve been overwhelmed by all of your responsibilities and it has been cutting into your time with your significant other so you’re disappointed and upset when s/he asks, “Why have you been avoiding me lately?”
You recently adopted a dog that howls, barks, and whines incessantly when you leave and you feel terrible about it. One day your neighbor comes over and says, “You really need to do something about your dog. It barks and barks all day and it’s driving us crazy. If you don’t so something about it, I’m going to call animal control.”
Describe TWO different scenarios of your own creation (ideally, but not necessarily, a situation you are currently facing, or an ongoing complaint) and develop a non-defensive response for each scenario. Write each response as you would actually say it to the person with whom you are in the situation and indicate why you would choose these particular responses over other possibilities.